I Crave Community

I. Crave. Community. 

Before this quarantine situation, I went to work and home,alone. To church and home, alone. Saw a movie, alone. It’s what I did, but not what I wanted. What I wanted was to be a part of a community, having others to share life experiences with.

The problem is that I was afraid. Afraid of everything. Afraid of everyone. Afraid that I wouldn’t be interesting enough, or smart enough, or fun enough, or just fill in the blank enough.  

I lingered on the outskirts of everything and not knowing how to join. I can’t just push my way in, that’s rude. I can’t show anyone that I want to be included, that’s needy. I certainly can’t just come out and say I feel lost and alone, that’s just plain pathetic.

So take my “I am not enough syndrome” add it to my “I can’t self-talk” and you wind up with someone who has no community. I can laugh and joke and be surface deep, but in my reality there is not anyone to go deeper with.

Through this quarantine, I have attended online churches, viewed Women’s Ministry broadcasts, Prayer Services, sung out loud in my room along with Living Room Worship, even enjoyed a super cool Women’s Bible Study, with discussion groups before and after.  I have watched an amazing assortment of Video Bible Studies, for free thanks, to Right Now Media and Bible Study Gateway. I have listened to books on Audible, for free. I mean seriously, everyone is providing an incredible amount of online content right now. I’m doing it all alone.

I’ve signed up for a writing course I had been contemplating. I completed a 90 Day Experience, started before quarantine, to work on setting and achieving the goal of living my best life. I am currently in a 21 Day Journey to better identify my talents and gifts. I have watched YouTube live streams, Bead Therapy has been a thing for me. I’m learning and growing. Alone.

I have come to understand fully this truth, community is a necessary, essential part of life.

I need community, I need fellowship. I need people to navigate through life with. People in my real life, not just online. 

One thought on “I Crave Community

  1. Michelle, I cried when I read this! Your heart and your rawness are just beautiful! Keep taking those steps, one after the next, and so on, and He will continue to guide you through your obedience to Him!
    Love ~ Shannon { from the TSC Event 🙂 }

    Liked by 1 person

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