I Crave Community
Before this quarantine situation, I went to work and I went home, alone. I went to church and I went home, alone. I went to the movies and I went home, alone. It’s what I did, but it is not what I wanted. What I wanted was to be a part of a community, having others to share life experiences with. The problem, I was afraid. Afraid of everything. Afraid of everyone. Afraid that I wouldn’t be interesting enough, or smart enough, or fun enough, or just fill in the blank enough.
I lingered on the outskirts of everything and not knowing how to join. I can’t just push my way in, that’s rude. I can’t show anyone that I want to be included, that’s needy. I certainly can’t just come out and say I feel lost and alone, that’s just plain pathetic. So take my “I am not enough syndrome” add it to my “I can’t” self-talk and you wind up with someone who has no community. I can laugh and joke and be surface deep, but in my reality there is not anyone to go deeper with.
Through this quarantine, I have attended online churches, viewed Women’s Ministry broadcasts, Prayer Services, sung out loud in my room along with Living Room Worship, even enjoyed a super cool Women’s Bible Study, with discussion groups before and after. I have watched an amazing assortment of Video Bible Studies, for free. I have listened to books online, for free. I mean seriously, everyone is providing an incredible amount of online content right now. I’m doing it all alone.
I’ve signed up for a writing course I had been contemplating. I completed a 90 Day Experience, started before quarantine, to work on setting and achieving the goal of living my best life. I participated a 21 Day Journey to better identify my talents and gifts. I have watched YouTube live streams and Bead Therapy has been a thing for me. I’ve even attended an online Sister Circle Event.
I’m learning and growing. Alone. But here’s a truth, community is an essential part of life. I need community, I need people to navigate through life with. People in my real life, not just online.
So now the world appears to be opening up again, guess I’m gonna have to go outside and start building.
© 2020 Michelle A. Logan
Being my best me is my superpower, join my journey and see what I discover
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